Happiness is a perspective

I had forgotten what is like to have a home, to have my own bed.

After 5+ years of wandering around the world, and being to more than 20 countries, the longest I had stayed in one place was 3 months.

The next destination always seemed more important than the present moment. If I stayed in one place for too long I would start thinking I was scared and failing my mission to travel the world.

I wandered with no long term plans. I had nowhere and everywhere to go, the ultimate freedom. I used to think.

I like to think that traveling saved my life, saved me from depression, anorexia, bulimia and from heavy drinking.

Traveling taught me in a very raw way how small I was, and how many times you can reinvent yourself. I felt the empowerment in that.

Being nomadic became part of me, my identity. I feared going back home so much because then I would drop the best part of me, I feared settling down because I knew there was an exciting life waiting for me somewhere that I hadn’t been yet, and if I didn’t go, I would not live the experiences that I was bounded to live. I felt like there was no choice.

Whenever I arrived somewhere new and exotic, at first, that is all it was new and exotic but my happiness wasn’t there either.

I was searching for a happiness that could not exist anywhere else but in me, searching for something that I should have carried with me everywhere I went, but I didn’t know that at the time.

It’s now been 20 months since I’ve settled, since moving here. This time I was more prepared, I had been here before, I had been in a foreign place before and I knew I could not expect this place to make me happy, so I took charge.

I started surfing every day, I learned a new hobby, I brushed off the dust off my camera and started shooting for fun, I was getting more creative, more bald, more assertive and that was hidden with my happiness, but luckily this time around I knew where to look for it.

It feels good to not live out of a backpack and sleep on the same bed every night, it feels good to know I have gone on my search and found it.

Now, after all these years I finally realize that happiness is not necessarily in a place, but in a perspective.



xoxo,


Caroline



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